How You Love Yourself is a Key to Healing

My heart leaped with excitement about finally being at ministry school. But soon after school started, I found my excitement buried in the recesses of my heart – out of reach. 

God’s love flooded me several years earlier and I felt connected to Him in ways I’d never experienced before. I experienced a wall a few times since then but processed the pain and disappointment to feel connected with Him again. 

My dream to attend ministry school came true after several years of waiting and plowing through two seasons of disappointment. I hungered for more of Jesus and I longed for deep connections with my classmates that would turn into lifelong friendships. 

The Wall, Again?

A wind of emotion washed over me as we prepared to move and even as we crossed the state line. But not long after school started, the wall surfaced again and I was out of touch with my excitement. 

I cried out to God to bring it down. I asked Him to reveal any unforgiveness or areas for repentance. All I heard was crickets.

I felt shame for experiencing this disconnect when others seemed to have deep encounters with God. 

I didn’t feel safe to talk with anyone (other than my hubby). On the inside, I felt like a girl standing all alone with her head down and no one to talk to. 

I felt frustrated with God – and with myself. 

I’m thankful I gleaned from many of the speakers and could sense God’s presence during sessions. After some time, I felt His presence again at home and church which jolted my being with hope…but the wall remained during school worship and at times in other scenarios. 

The Beginning of Some Answers

With no answer in sight, I pursued emotional healing through HeartSync Ministries. 

My facilitator had worked with others who also experienced a longing for more of God but encountered a wall in similar environments. It was a relief to feel heard and understood and to make sense of my experience. 

I experienced moments of connection and still had times of disconnect.

I Discovered a Big Key

Through a series of events, I discovered a big key to the process: the importance of loving myself. 

Love others as yourself. Matthew 22:39

Jesus said it’s the second great commandment so it’s important.

I discovered my frustration with myself is a form of shaming – and that’s not loving myself. 

So when pain cropped up, instead of expressing frustration, I’d love, comfort, and nurture myself. I’d express compassion, and speak kindly to myself. 

One day, I put my hand on my heart and said, “I delight in you.”  Then I felt this prompting to say, “you’re a delight.” As soon as those words left my lips, tears streamed down my face. My heart had longed to hear those words. 

Then I could feel a consistent connection with the Lord again. 

Connecting the Dots

I knew something significant happened when those words pierced my heart, but I didn’t connect the dots until I heard this testimony…

A lady attended a church service and couldn’t feel God. She sensed an invitation to reconcile with parts of her heart that were wounded as a child. She used to be embarrassed by these different parts of her and would shame herself but during this season she loved, comforted, and nurtured those parts of her…and she could feel God again. 

Then it hit me…When I loved and comforted myself, my wall (guard) came down which allowed me to feel God again. The part of my heart that protects me felt safe enough to let the guard down.*

*The part that protects blocks positive and negative emotions which explains why I couldn’t feel God’s presence at times. 

How Can This Help You?

You can do the same for yourself by attuning to and validating your emotions. Let me explain.

Attune – Tune into your own internal experience with tenderness and compassion. Give yourself the same love and responsiveness God does.

Validate – Show understanding about what you’re experiencing…just as God does. 

When you feel painful emotions, put your hand on your heart and speak loving and compassionate statements toward yourself – with no shame or judgment. 

Use the below list as a guide but pray and pay attention to what your heart needs to hear, and adapt it to what your heart needs.

• You’re valued and significant.

• Your voice matters. 

• You matter.

• It makes sense you feel that way given what happened. You were only a child.

• I know how painful that was. You were meant to be loved and nurtured instead of judged and shamed.

• There’s no shame in needing to be loved and nurtured, no matter your age now. 

• Having needs doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you, you’re immature, or unspiritual. You’re human, and God created you with needs.

• I’m sorry you’ve felt all alone. I’m with you, and we’re in this together. 

• I’m sorry I’ve dismissed you and not allowed you to have a voice. I want to change that starting now. 

It may take time to see fruit. You’re breaking out of old habits and patterns of shaming and/or judging yourself and carving out a new way of being. Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn a new way.  

As I’ve continued to do this for myself, I’m more at peace, and my connection with the Lord is deepening. 

I encourage you to give it a try because how you love yourself is a key to emotional healing.  

For more encouragement about the healing journey, check out this post.

And would you like more help on how to process and validate your emotions? Click HERE for access to my free guide.